


The Blood's Flow

by InsomniacTiger



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Bullying, F/F, F/M, Female My Unit | Byleth, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Spoilers, Multi, Multiple Endings, Other, Pre-Time Skip, Self-Harm, felix swears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2020-10-29 05:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20791067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniacTiger/pseuds/InsomniacTiger
Summary: All her life... she's just wanted to feel alive. (This is a choose your ending sort of tale. If there is a character you would like to see an ending with here let me know!)





	1. Byleth

**Author's Note:**

> There are minor spoilers for the Blue Lions and Golden Deer route here. Also read the warnings guys, if this isn't your cup of tea, please don't read.

It was not really surprising when it was revealed to her that when she was born, she had no heartbeat. Some part of her always knew. It made sense. Growing up as a mercenary’s daughter was already an unconventional way to raise a child. When she was younger Jeralt left her with other mercenaries that he trusted to watch her. And they were never kind.

“She just stares…”

“Like a corpse.”

“Never a single emotion.”

“What a freak.”

“If she wasn’t Jeralt’s kid…”

“I know what you mean. I love Jeralt, but she is too weird.”

Once she was a bit older, and stronger, she helped out more and trained even harder. She still heard their comments. The face of a corpse. Empty. When she brought home her first stag for dinner Jeralt was proud and happily showed her how to prepare it. She was still young at the time, and instead of being impressed with her kill the other members of their group became even more wary.

“She’s like six or seven years old right? How can she not care that she just killed something for the first time?”

“Did you see how empty her eyes were when she gutted that stag?”

“I mean – they were the same as always.”

“The usual corpse expression…”

“Honestly? I’ve seen corpse look more alive than her sometimes.”

Only once did Jeralt ever over hear their talks about her. He challenged all of them to a duel. All twelve of them against him, if he won, they had to shut up. Of course, he won. So, the talking stopped. But the looks never went away.

Then one of their men died in an ambush gone wrong. The man’s wife was distraught understandably. But she chose Byleth to take her anger out on while Jeralt and a few others cleaned up what was left of the battle.

“_You_! You should have died! You’re basically dead anyway! How could someone as _inhuman_as you survive while he had to die?!” The woman slapped her face hard enough to leave a bruise, but Byleth just muttered her condolences and took her leave.

Jeralt told her that people would always hate what they don’t understand.

That the fact that she didn’t emote wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. How she chose to express herself was up to her and he would love her no matter what.

She loved Jeralt. She did. And even though she reciprocated his kind words every evening, “Good night, love you.” She felt that sometimes he didn’t believe her. Every once in a while, she would catch him watching her, during a sunrise, or the first time she saw the ocean, waiting for some sort of reaction. And when she offered none? He always looked disappointed, only for the briefest of moments, before make some small joke and moving on.

“The sun pretty much rises the same way every day anyway, right?”

“Water is water. The ocean is just undrinkable, more of an inconvenience then anything.”

She loved that he did that for her. Gave her an out. Gave her a chance to just nod and go along with it. She loved that he didn’t try to force anything from her.

But. Sometimes. She wished he did.

What was wrong with her?

Why couldn’t she smile for him?

Why couldn’t she shed tears for the woman who lost her husband?

Why couldn’t she get angry at those who bullied her as a child?

Why… was she dead inside?

And that’s when she realized… she did have a moment when she felt alive. When the blood seemed to pump through her veins despite her apparently dead heart. In battle. Trading blows with an opponent, not knowing which breath could be her last, it was exhilarating. And short lived. She had been training hard from a young age and had become known as the Ashen Demon. It was the best feeling in the world.

And one of her only ones.

Jeralt was proud of her. The other mercenaries finally respected her.

And then she met the house leaders.

Dimitri, Claude, and Edelgard.

Those three came crashing into her life literally and changed it drastically.

Then they made her a professor.

And she had to teach students who were practically her age how to fight. Some seemed ready, others were doing their best, and some seemed so innocent she didn’t want them anywhere near the violence of battle.

But into battles they went.

She did her best to lead them, and if she ever thought one of her students would be injured, she was quick to jump into the fray and defend them. No one would hurt someone that was under her care.

For the most part she _liked_her life as the new professor. But she still felt empty. And her students noticed it. Dimitri and Claude both had made comments about how she never smiled. And while neither meant it maliciously by any means, she found it bothering her.

She had grown to care for her students in a way that was similar to how she imagined Jeralt felt for her. A certain few, well, she felt as close to them as she did with Jeralt.

However, she still felt that some part of her was still that small child that had the face of a corpse.

Empty. Emotionless. Dead.

So, she did the one thing that made her feel alive.

She went to fight.

* * *

Felix was always up for training, and he was talented and determined. Both great qualities in a dueling partner. And while he left bruises, he managed to refrain from actually cutting her. And somehow, along the way, that had become important to her.

The blood flow is what proved that she was alive. Bruises healing also meant this, but the blood was a more immediate tell and it’s what she had come to prefer from a battle. The one time Felix accidentally sliced into her arm she tried to shrug off his comment that she should get it tended. But in true Felix fashion, he wouldn’t have any of her crap. Or so he said.

“Don’t be an idiot.” He snapped. “Something like that could get infected and then what? You’re useless in a fight.”

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well maybe not useless,” He amended. “But you wouldn’t be at your best. And that makes you more of a risk then an asset.”

His logic was as sound as always to her. With a nod she went to her private quarters and wrapped it herself. The blood seeping through was an odd comfort to her, and better than nothing.

Felix never turned down an offer to spar, but she noticed that he was far more careful from then on.

* * *

It was after the battle against Miklan. Sylvain had hesitated in the battle and it would have costed him greatly had she not stepped in to block the attack from the beast. With everything that had happened after the battle she really had just forgotten to check her own injuries. But suddenly her head felt light, and she nearly fell in a sudden bout of dizziness. Two arms were quick to wrap themselves around her to keep her from falling however.

“Whoa Teach. Try to stay on your feet alright?” Of course, it was Claude. His reflexes as swift as ever.

She patted his arm in a thanks, and in hopes that he would let go, but instead he grabbed her arm tightly when she tried to walk away.

“Hold on, these wounds are bad. Why didn’t you say anything?” He frowned calling over Marianne and Mercedes.

The girls were followed by Dimitri, curious as to why their two best healers were suddenly needed.

“Professor!” He gasped noticing the blood covering her attire.

The two healers were quick to mend the injuries.

“I’m afraid she’s lost too much blood already…” Mercedes started to say, Marianne nodding at her shoulder.

Byleth was about to tell them she was fine and they needed to keep moving when the dizziness took over again, instinctively she reached for a handhold and managed to grab at Claude and Dimitri, each boy at one side. 

“Excuse my forwardness Professor,” Dimitri said before lifting her into his arms as if she weighed nothing. “But I think its best if we get you back to the monastery as quickly as possible.”

She blacked out before she could respond.

* * *

When she woke up, it was to a heavy weight on her arm. Looking over she saw that it was none other than Jeralt. Her father was sleeping soundly in a chair next to her bed, his head resting on her arm. At her slight movement from waking he jolted awake.

“You sure scared me there, kid.” He grabbed her hand. “Thought I’d lost you when the Prince came running into my office with you in his arms.”

Dimitri had gone to Jeralt? Why not Manuela? The person in charge of the infirmary?

“He was checking to see if you had any allergies before Manuela tended to you.”

Once again, her father knew what she wanted to ask without her saying it.

She shook her head at the silliness of her student. That sounded just like the Prince, always thinking of everything.

“That Golden Deer kid had to come in and remind him to set you down first.”

That would likely be Claude.

“Those kids really care about you.” Jeralt was smiling now.

She smiled and nodded. Yeah. They really did. It was… nice. And new.

“I’m glad you finally made some friends.”

Quietly she whispered her agreement.

* * *

Another battle had come and gone. No casualties on their side. It was a victory by all means. The students were having a celebratory meal that had become a staple after the battle of Eagle and Lion. She loved seeing them all smiling and enjoying themselves, especially after a hard-earned victory. But after a few comments along the lines of, “Smile Professor! We won after all!” She took her leave to walk around the monastery.

Even now.

Even now when she had gained so much, she couldn’t find it in herself to smile for them. She thought back to Claude’s comment a while back. How he had considered she was maybe not human. He and Dimitri had both made comments along the lines of how nice it was when she actually proved she could smile.

Jeralt was even surprised by her smile.

She wanted to smile even more – just for him.

But instead the dead expression returned.

What was it about her?

Maybe it was like Claude had said. Maybe she wasn’t human…

He wasn’t the first to say it, and wouldn’t likely be the last.

She was the Ashen Demon.

She was the corpse faced child.

She… had no heartbeat.

That woman’s voice from years ago rang through her head. _“You’re basically dead anyway!”_

Basically, dead anyway.

Standing on one of the outlooks with a view of the fields beyond the monastery Byleth pulled her dagger and dragged the tip along her forearm. Blood sprouted along the line instantly.

A dead person didn’t have blood flow like that.

Digging just a bit deeper with her blade she watched as the crimson liquid dripped into the greenery at the base of the wall far beneath her.

This was what she needed. This proof. This evidence was what proved she was alive.

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@InsomniacTiger](https://twitter.com/InsomniacTiger)  
Come say Hi over on Twitter! I post updates for my stories and art! :)


	2. Dimitri

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

“Professor. May I ask what you are doing?”

Byleth just stared up at the blonde Prince looming over her. Dimitri was normally so kind and polite, but in this moment, she saw the fire that was usually reserved for battle. He was watching her eyes fiercely, her bloodied dagger gripped so tightly in his hand she wondered if it would break.

Not having an answer to his question, she just shrugged.

“Professor… I have seen a lot of blood in my life.” Dimitri said quietly. “And as sad as it is, it no longer bothers me when I see it now. However, when I see the blood of someone I care for being so carelessly spilt… I will not stand for it.”

The fire in his eyes was raging, but his voice was quiet, if not a bit uncontrolled.

The Prince… was angry. He was truly upset. She had done that to him.

Or rather, her blood had.

“I can’t…” She didn’t know how to explain this to him.

“You can’t what?” His voice turned soft, coaxing, like how someone would talk to a spooked animal.

“I don’t revel in our victories, I don’t cry, I don’t… anything. I have no heartbeat. I am dead… and the blood. It’s how I know.”

Dimitri looks at her, then at her dagger, then sets the weapon on the wall with forced carefulness before taking her still bleeding arm in his large hands. He knows very little magic, but he had insisted Mercedes teach him a little, just in case. He used it now to reknit the skin together. Using his own cape, he cleaned the blood off.

“Professor… Byleth, you don’t have to prove anything. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen on the battlefield. But I also am the most scared then. You are so reckless with your own well-being that I find myself constantly fearing that I’ll turn around and you’ll have taken an arrow meant for another. A blade will be nowhere near you but suddenly you are in front of it if there is a chance one of us may get hurt. But also, you don’t block attacks I know you, _you_with all your magnificent capabilities, could have easily taken care of.”

She found herself watching his hands, both of his palms cradled her previously injured arm and rubbed his thumbs soothing along now. Did he know he was still touching her? She didn’t think so; his eyes were staring right into her own.

“I much prefer you when you’re helping Annette try to calm down, or reprimanding Sylvain for his scandalous ways, or when you’re trying to convince Linhardt to nap elsewhere. Or when you’ve caught the particular fish that Flayn has been craving. Do you see what I’m saying?”

She shook her head.

“I love seeing you express your love in your way. You don’t have to sing like Annette and Dorothea, you don’t have to dance in delight, or smile at every person that passes you. The way you are is perfect as is. And I don’t believe you should change that for anyone. You don’t need to prove that you are alive. Because you are alive. And you prove it every day in all the little things you do. Today, I saw you help Ashe restring his bow after he had injured his shoulder. You helped Dedue, in the greenhouse this morning before we even left. You gave the last of your vulnerary stock to Marianne, while she already had plenty, she was nervous and your last few gave her the confidence she needed to charge into that battle with us.”

Suddenly his hands encased both of hers completely. “Professor, know this. I will not tell you how to live your life. That is for you to decide. But you are someone I care about greatly, and you will never have to prove anything to me. So please…”

Byleth nodded.

“I don’t have to prove I’m alive to you.”

“I know you already are.”

Pulling one of her hands back from his, she cupped his cheek softly, and he tilted his head so that their foreheads touched. “Thank you, Dimitri.”

“For you Professor, anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@InsomniacTiger](https://twitter.com/InsomniacTiger)  
Come say Hi over on Twitter! I post updates for my stories and art! :)


	3. Claude

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

“Hey Teach, I thought you were old enough to know not to play with sharp toys like that.” Claude stood barely inches behind her, the dagger twirling across his fingers in that habit she knew he had when he was nervous.

She held out her hand for him to return her weapon.

“I don’t think so.” His smile was fake, the worry in his eyes evident by the way they were watching the crimson drip down her arm. Now it was splattering on the stone below, making a bit of a mess. More than she had originally intended to be sure. “See one of the lessons I learned in class was that we only point weapons at our enemies, so why would I let you point it at yourself? Unless there’s something you’re not telling me?”

There was. Technically. But she would rather not explain it to him, no matter how much she trusted him. She tried to take it from him, but he bounced back a few steps holding the dagger well above her reach.

“You know, the person who taught me that was you. So, I know you know better. There’s something you’re not telling me Teach. If you share, maybe I’ll give this back.”

His quest for information would be the death of him. Byleth frowned. She was tempted to show off her brawling skills here and now to show Claude von Riegan that he wasn’t always two steps ahead.

But truthfully, she was tired. And dealing with an over curious student was beyond her patience just now.

“Claude. Not tonight. Please just hand it back.”

He eyed her suspiciously for moment. His calculating eyes always evaluating her.

“Alright.” He handed it to her.

That was a surprise.

“But you have to let me walk you back to your room.”

“Rather forward tonight, aren’t we?”

He laughed, but it wasn’t as joyful as usual. “Unfortunately, I am only going to be making sure that you properly dress that wound tonight. If there is something else you would rather _un_dress another night however…”

She turned on her heel. “Good night Claude.”

“Ah no wait I was kidding Teach. Besides. You owe me.”

“How so?”

“I stopped an archer from shooting you while your back was turned in today’s battle.”

She turned to look at him.

He shrugged at her. “You can’t prove that I didn’t.”

Shaking her head, she gestured toward the path that led back to her room. He dutifully walked her there just like he said, but at the door just let himself in and sat himself at the chair by her desk.

“I’m not leaving till you get that fixed up.”

Sighing she decided to just heal it when his hand reached out and covered her arm suddenly.

“Wait. I’m sorry Teach… but I’ve got to know… what was going through your head back there? Why… this?”

How did she explain this? It wasn’t that she thought it was too complicated for him, but that he would get it too quickly and have more follow up questions then she cared to deal with tonight. Before she could reply though, he kept talking.

“Listen… I’ve known people who… do stuff like this. And sometimes it’s fine. But usually… it leads to pain. Pain much worse than this. And not just for you. Does Jeralt know?”

She shook her head. She can’t even begin to imagine what her father would say about this habit of hers. But she thinks he would be sad.

“Devasted.” Claude said, as if he was reading her thoughts. “He would be devasted. I’ve met the Captain. He loves you so much. Your students, all of us, we care about you too. Could you imagine if sweet little Flayn had seen this? Or Ignatz? Or Ashe? Or any of those precious students who idolize you so much. Or if the Prince had seen this? Your practically his hero Teach. They love you all so _so_much. And I know you love them too. I’ve seen it… so why?”

As he spoke, he pulled a cloth from within his jacket to clean at the wound, before pulling out a vial of something that stung when poured over the wound.

He glanced at her expression when she frowned at the slight sting, but his hands kept moving. Before long it was clean and wrapped diligently.

“Claude… I have no heartbeat.”

She waited for mocking laughter, but it never came. Instead his fingers slid down to her wrist and felt for a pulse. After a moment, he felt at the artery on her neck. Stepping back, he stared at her with those calculating eyes yet again… before stepping even closer leaning down.

“May I?”

“Yes.”

He rested his head on her chest, ear to sternum. After several long minutes she felt his arms wrap around her waist.

“Oh… Teach. I get it.”

She rested a hand in his unruly hair and he looked up at her before finally standing up straight and pulling her into a tight hug.

“I understand now. And you don’t have to. It’s no else’s business. You are you. And you are a magnificent person. A living real person who lives her life fighting for others. Anything else is just details.”

“I thought the devil was in the details.” She muttered into his shirt.

He had a small chuckle for that. “I said that, right? Well its true. But in this case, I think we can ignore them. The basic facts are more than enough.”

“Are they?”

“Yes. You are Byleth, our beloved Teach. You are the fiercest warrior I have ever seen and you will do anything to protect your students.”

“Thank you, Claude.”

“One more fact I forgot to mention.”

“What’s that?”

“I care about you more than all of the others combined, and while you fight for them, I’ll fight beside you.”

“Not for me?” She actually managed one of her rare smiles this time.

He grinned. “Nah. I think you fight well enough on your own. I’m more like moral support.”

“Sometimes… that’s all I need.”

He tugged at a strand of her hair playfully. “Then good thing you’re stuck with me.”

“Yeah, good thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@InsomniacTiger](https://twitter.com/InsomniacTiger)  
Come say Hi over on Twitter! I post updates for my stories and art! :)


	4. Felix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that Felix was next! He is honestly my favorite so this was a lot of fun! :) So thank you Butterballporkbun for requesting his chapter!

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Felix growled throwing the dagger to the ground, the tip lodging itself firmly between the cracks in the stones.

His sudden closeness made her take a step back. How did he sneak up on her like that?

“You were so focused on your stupidity you didn’t even hear me coming!” He snapped.

Byleth reached down to reclaim her weapon, but Felix kicked it away. The metal echoing as it skittered across the walk way.

“Felix. Enough.”

“You don’t get to say that.” He reached down to grab her sleeve and yank her to her feet. “Now come, we’re going to see Manuela.”

His grip was strong as he dragged her toward the infirmary. Glancing back, she wished he’d let her pick up the dagger. What if someone steps on it? When she voiced her concern he just snorted in response.

Walking into Manuela’s office she immediately jumped to helping heal her arm while Felix loomed in the door way, his arms crossed over his chest.

“You two… honestly, Felix. I can’t believe you would do this to your lovely Professor here.” Manuela scolded him. “And you,” her attention back on Byleth. “You can’t go easy on your students. They are strong, but you know that.”

Byleth nodded in agreement, her eyes watching Felix.

Why was he lingering? When he was angry, he usually stormed off to go train more. But now he just stood in the doorway watching her with scrutinizing eyes.

“There.” Manuela clapped her hands. “That should take care of it. Be sure not to put too much strain on it, much deeper and you could have caused damage to some nerves. And with that I would like to rest for the evening. Good night you two.” She ushered them out her door and closed it firmly.

Not wanting to discuss any part of this night any further Byleth muttered a good night before heading toward her room.

“You don’t get to quit you know.” Felix finally spoke up.

She turned to look at him. “What?”

“You don’t get to quit. Life is shit for everyone, but you don’t get to quit. I won't let you. You have people depending on you. And I have yet to beat you in a sparring match.”

Then she understood. He thought she wanted to die. But. She wanted to live. She wanted to know that she was alive. She was already dead.

“I have no intention of quitting.” She informed him.

Aware that they were discussing this just outside a certain nosy professor’s door Felix dragged her somewhere more secluded.

Since when did he become so comfortable with just taking her hand?

And why was she letting him? Hadn’t she just been thinking that she wanted to go to bed? To forget this night and not discuss it?

Finally stopping inside the training hall Felix turned to look her in the eye, his amber gaze had never been more like fire then it was tonight.

“Then what was that? If you are not giving up? Because that’s what it looked like.”

Byleth shook her head. “I would never give up on you all. I am your professor.”

“Which means you need to lead us. And the best way to lead is by example. So, what is this lesson?!” He demanded.

She tried to think of a way to explain this to him without sounding crazy. Felix hated things that were illogical. However…

“Spar with me.”

He actually looked surprised. “Now? Are you mad?”

“Spar with me and then I will explain.”

“Fine.”

Picking up two of the training swords he tossed one to her, watching as she easily caught it with her injured arm. He was already testing her. Seeing how much of a hinderance her arm was going to be now. So far, nothing had changed.

They took their stances, then launched into a graceful dance. Often when Felix and she sparred an audience would gather quickly. They both had talent beyond their years due to dedicated training and experience.

But tonight, something was off with Felix’s footwork. He was angry. He was making mistakes he would normally scoff at others for. He went to lunge at her when he should have been setting up to block. While he was off balanced, she tripped him and knocked his sword from his hand, but grabbed his shoulder to keep him from falling.

His breathing was coming out a bit raggedly, but his eyes were narrowed and solely focused on her.

“There. We had your match. Now, speak.”

Taking his hand, the same one that had been dragging her all over the monastery tonight, she led it to rest on her chest.

She saw that his already red face from the small work out suddenly grew several shades darker.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“I have no heartbeat. We just sparred. Your own heart rate is up significantly. Mine should be too.”

Taking a minute, he considered her words, then honestly searched for a pulse. Reaching for her injured hand he traced the line of the wound with a surprisingly gentle finger.

“This… makes no sense. How are you…?”

“I don’t know. I’ve always been like this.”

After a moment more of consideration he nodded, seeming to just accept her words. “It’s abnormal, sure, but that doesn’t explain your actions.”

“I just wanted - ”

“To feel alive? You are. You eat more than anyone I’ve ever met, even the boar, you are the only one who can best me in a match. And you are the only one I would trust to lead me into a battle. A corpse could not do that.”

His tone sounded harsh as ever, but his words touched her in a way that a blade never did. A blade was cold and uncaring as it left its mark, but Felix’s words… they made her feel wanted, appreciated, and with the way his eyes had softened ever so slight, she felt cared about.

As she stood there staring at him trying to find the words to thank him, he pulled at her hand again and pulled her into a crushing hug. The ends of his long hair tickled her neck as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

“Glenn, my brother, used to do this for me when I was… displeased. So, I will do it for you. Just this once.”

Somewhere in the back of her mind she recalled Sylvain or Dimitri mentioning that Felix had been a bit of crybaby as a child. She couldn’t even imagine a crying Felix, but knowing that he’d had a big brother to do this for him when he was younger was somehow reassuring.

“Thank you, Felix.” She said quietly.

He snorted in response.

When they finally broke apart, he reached down to pick up the blades they had long forgotten. “Listen, if you ever feel… like _that_again, then just come find me. We can spar again.”

“I would like that very much.”

“Good. Now go to bed. It is late and you look tired.”

“I thought I was the professor here?”

He rolled his eyes. “Just do it. I will see you in the morning for class.”

“Good night Felix.” She chuckled as she left the training area.

He watched her leave before he finished putting away the weapons.

“Good night Byleth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@InsomniacTiger](https://twitter.com/InsomniacTiger)  
Come say Hi over on Twitter! I post updates for my stories and art! :)


	5. Ashe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashe had the most votes! So here he is! :) Thank you all for your kind words and requests! It really is such a great motivator! These chapters practically write themselves! :)

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

“Professor! I-I’m sorry! But I can’t let you do that!” Ashe’s face was pale, but his eyes were lit with that ferocity she only saw when he was defending his friends in battle.

“I know I’m the student here… and I don’t have a right to tell you what to do… But I think this is the wrong choice!”

She stared at him bewildered. What was he talking about?

Realizing that he was still holding the dagger he went to offer it back to her, but when she reached for it, he changed his mind and hid it behind his back.

“Actually Professor, maybe… maybe we could talk for a bit?”

Byleth debated saying no. She would much rather go back to her room for the night then discuss this with a student. However, Ashe had always been earnest in his studying and was probably the kindest soul she had ever met.

There really was no choice here.

Nodding she gestured for him to start the conversation.

“Oh! Really? Let’s go sit somewhere nicer, less open.” He looked over his shoulder where the other students were enjoying the festivities inside the Dining Hall.

That was a good idea. No need for more students to get involved in this. It was bad enough that poor Ashe had found her.

They decided to sit on the steps just past the gate where the merchants met, nobody was here now. Even the Gatekeeper that was always so friendly was missing. The logical side of her brain told her that this needed to be addressed. Why was no one watching the gates?

Remembering why she was even here she looked to her left where Ashe was patiently waiting for her attention. He had a sad look on his face as he gazed down at her bleeding arm.

“Professor, may I wrap that up for you? I don’t know any magic… but I can stop the bleeding at least!” He looked so determined that she just nodded.

Could anyone say no to that face? Those bright eager eyes?

From one of his pockets he pulled a roll of gauze which he quickly put to work. As gently as possible he wiped up the excess blood that had become a mess along her arm then quickly went about to wrapping the injury.

“I’m sorry if it feels a bit tight, but that’s to make sure it doesn’t come loose. Also, so that the blood’s flow clots.”

“It doesn’t hurt.” She reassured him. “Thank you, Ashe.”

His freckled cheeks reddened at the compliment. “Of course! You’re welcome! Happy I can help.”

He finished the wrapping by tying it off in a neat little knot and used her own dagger to cut off the rest.

“Do I get that back now?” She looked at the bloodied dagger in his hand.

“Uh… no. It’s just, I know it’s really none of my business… but Professor, may I ask why you were doing that?”

Despite the naiveté that Ashe seemed to express, Byleth was well aware that he had been through a lot. He had told her about his childhood up to when Lord Lonato took him in. Yet, there some part of her that insisted she shouldn’t burden him with this.

“I understand if you don’t want to tell me. After all I’m just another one of your students! But I was hoping…”

“You’re not just another student.” She corrected.

He looked at her hopefully.

“You _are_a student. But also… someone I care very much about.” Byleth admitted.

Seteth would likely scold her for that if he knew. He often would reprimand her for being too chummy with the students. But it was the truth. Somewhere along the way many of these students had become more than just students to her, but she especially had come to rely on his positive attitude to keep her going.

“What do you think of Ashe? When you see blood?”

He considered her words carefully. “I… think of death. And sadness. I think if less blood was spilled and more people talked things out and compromised then the world would be a better place.” He blushed again. “But I know that’s a childish dream.”

She shook her head. “No. It’s a great dream. And it’s true. However, when I see blood, I see life. Blood is what keeps you alive right?”

“Yes. But it needs to stay in you for it to do that.” He mildly scolded her.

She chuckled. “That is true. This world… its full of darkness. Of cold people and cruel truths. And sometimes… I need a reminder.”

“You need to remind yourself that you’re alive?”

She nodded. “Sounds ridiculous, right?”

“Not at all! I may not personally understand that need but I comprehend the idea.” He shyly took the hand with her injured arm into his own.

His hands were a warm and as he clasped onto her own cold one. She could feel all the callouses he had from constantly using his bow. 

“But maybe… there’s another way to feel alive? A way without hurting yourself too?”

Byleth considered that. She had always done it this way because it was what she knew. But she had always been alone too. Looking over at those bright green eyes she realized that she wasn’t alone anymore. And she had those that cared about her.

Cared about her enough to steal her dagger right from her hands.

“What do you do Ashe? When you’re feeling down?”

There was no hesitation in his reply. “I like to read heroic tales of knights! When they have happy endings because the knight has saved the day… it gives me hope that someday I can do that too.”

“So maybe… next time we could read together?” Byleth said it so quietly she wasn’t sure he could hear her as she looked down at the steps.

But his grip tightened on her hand and peered around her hair to look into her eyes. “I would like that very much Professor. Anytime you want to, just come find me and I would love to sit with you! We could even take turns reading chapters to each other!”

He was getting so excited over the prospect that she found herself smiling along with him. His positive energy just radiated from him.

“In fact,” He gently helped her to her feet. “We could go to the library right now! Nobody will be there so it would be a perfect time! I want to show you the book on the Tales of Chivalry!”

Before she knew it, they were huddled over one of the tables with a small pile that Ashe had collected in moments having memorized where all his favorites were located.

His voice was soothing as he passionately read about his favorite knight and the adventures he had. Half way through the tale however his voice wandered off and she looked over at him concerned.

What was wrong?

“Professor… thank you for trusting me earlier. It means a lot to me that you shared such a personal thing with me.” He handed the dagger back to her.

When had he cleaned it?

She smiled, putting the dagger back into its sheath on her hip before taking his hand in hers. The warmth was almost as calming as his voice had been a moment ago. “And thank you Ashe. For looking out for me.”

The blush blooming beneath his freckles was adorable as ever as he smiled and returned to the story before them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is a particular character you would like to see have their own chapter just leave their name in the comments! :)


	6. Linhardt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeking_Solace asked for Linhardt and I had to write it right away! Thanks for reading!

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

“Professor. Please do not waste your blood like that.” Linhardt was there watching her with his intelligent green eyes.

The normally drowsy looking young man took out a handkerchief and began wiping the blood from her dagger.

“Unless you intended to let me use this for Crest experiments? Though I hardly doubt that would be the case considering this is not really the proper way to extract blood for such a use.” He folded the handkerchief neatly and tucked it into one of his pockets, no doubt to be used in one of his mentioned Crest experiments.

He offered her the dagger back. “I suspect I can trust you with this now? Or perhaps I shouldn’t?”

Byleth took the dagger back and quickly distributed it back into her sheath.

Linhardt was watching her carefully. While he came off as a lazy person, she was well aware how intelligent he was. It had been his choice to switch to her class, but she later found out that he actually spent time in each of the classes depending on who was teaching what to get the best experience. Though when all was said and done, he still fought under her class’s colors.

“Professor, would you join me? I was about to conduct an experiment and would like the company.”

“I’m sure Caspar would be more than willing…” She tried.

“Absolutely not. That wild child would ruin everything. He’s far too disruptive. You are definitely the right person for this task.” As he turned to begin walking away, she noticed the white tie that kept his long hair tied back. It seemed so ordinary, but Caspar had told her in confidence that it was actually a gift from the ‘wild child’ himself. Apparently the two of them were childhood friends, but Linhardt was reluctant to speak of this.

In fact, when she had tried asking before he simply waved off her inquiry and claimed it was unimportant drivel. However, the hair tie was a nice reminder that while he seemed like an apathetic person, he clearly held onto some sentiments.

“Here will do nicely.” He took a seat at the edge of the dock that led to the fishing pond.

“What kind of experiment is this?” She asked sitting next to him.

He looked over at her seriously. “I will tell you once I have results. Anyway, now that we’re here, how are you at fishing?”

She wiggled her hand to indicate that she was ‘so-so’.

“That’s better than nothing.” He nodded as he handed her a fishing rod.

That’s when she noticed that he had two rods and a tackle box already sitting on the dock. He hadn’t been carrying that, so had he planned this already?

“One must always be prepared before starting the experiment Professor. Anything less is destined to lead to foolish mistakes.”

He did that a lot, answer her questions without her speaking them. It was probably due to his incredible observational skills.

“Oh. Give me that.” He reached over and took her still bleeding arm. Using his magic, he was able to heal it up completely. Though he did pull out the bloodied handkerchief to clean up the mess.

She chose not to say anything as he stashed it in his pocket once again.

For a good while they sat there in companionable silence. Every now and then one of them would catch a fish, but Linhardt claimed there was no point in keeping any of them and insisted they were all tossed back. Once the moon was high above them, he finally asked the question she had been waiting for.

“I am not as dumb as to think you were running an experiment Professor, so what were you doing?”

It was the one thing she truly did not wish to tell him. How would he take the news? Would he insist on running tests on her? This was the same reason she hadn’t wanted Hanneman to know about it. But… she trusted Linhardt. He was scientifically minded, but he had always been fair and honest with her.

“You’ve known me for a while now, do you think I seem… dead?”

He pondered her words. “Answering a question with a question? Annoying…” He mumbled, but didn’t really seemed to be put off by it.

“I have on the occasion thought you seemed unresponsive. Similar to how a dead body would be. I suppose that’s what you meant?”

She nodded.

“When you first arrived Professor, I did think this of you. A person of mystery. I had so many questions. But you seemed, shall we say – heartless. I don’t mean ruthless, which is often what people think of when they hear heartless. I simply mean that you didn’t seem to have ‘heart’ in the spiritual term. Physically, we don’t exist without the heart organ pumping blood through our veins…” His eyes widened. “Professor?”

He was truly remarkable.

She nodded.

Without asking permission he leaned forward resting an ear on her sternum. “You are truly a mystery to behold.” He murmured leaning back. “This explains your actions.”

She waited to see what he said next. Would he insist on returning to his room? Which was really more of a study at this point, with all the books and instruments he used for his work.

“This is a very personal thing for you. I understand why you were hesitant to tell me.” He gave her a hard look. “Does Professor Hanneman know?”

She shook her head. “I believe only Jeralt does.”

“Your father. Of course. I must say it is an honor for you to trust me with this Professor.”

She tried her best to smile for him. It seemed to work.

“May I make a request of you?”

“What is it?”

“I’m going to ask that you don’t play dangerous games with your dagger any longer. I understand the reasoning behind it, and I want to offer a counter solution.”

She gestured for him to continue.

“Next time, come find me, and we will indulge in one of my activities.”

“Like fishing?”

“And napping.” He nodded. “Speaking of, it is late…”

Before she could suggest they leave for the dormitories he laid his head down in her lap. “There is nothing quite as relaxing as the sound of water lapping softly…” He yawned. “Do we have a promise Professor?”

Gently she brushed aside his long strands of hair so she could properly see the bright green eyes looking up at her.

“I promise. Next time I will find you.”

“Excellent.” He hummed as he drifted off to sleep.

She smiled leaning back to look at how the reflection of the moon glowed on the small pond. Somehow, his words had brought her comfort. She really couldn’t place exactly what he said that did it. But it was just right.

“Professor…” Linhardt grumbled. “Your tights are not soft. How can you wear something so scratchy?”

“Next time I will try to be better prepared. For now, try this.” She bundled her jacket under his head.

“Ah yes. This will do nicely. Good night Professor.”

She chuckled. “Good night Linhardt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is a particular character you would like to see have their own chapter just leave their name in the comments! :)


	7. Sylvain

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

“Whoa there Professor. That’s no way to treat a beautiful lady, even if it is yourself.” Sylvain held the dagger deftly in his fingers twirling it lazily.

She glared at him. Somehow whenever he spoke to her there was the fine line of flattery and insult. It wasn’t that it actually offended her, but she didn’t understand his apparent dislike toward her.

“You know, if Seteth saw you out here he’d probably say you were unfit to be our Professor. Don’t you think?”

That… hadn’t occurred to her. Would they do that? Take away her position as their Professor? When the honor had been bestowed upon her, she honestly hadn’t cared. But she had grown attached to her students. It would be horrible if they were taken from her now…

“What do you want Sylvain?” She sighed. “A free pass?” He often asked for passes to skip classes.

“Normally, yes. But now I have something else in mind.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“You have to join me for dinner.”

“What?” Sure, he’d invited her out plenty of times, but it had always been a joke.

“Yep. One meal. Right now.”

“Can’t I owe you a meal for another night?” Surely, he saw that now was not the most appropriate time…

“Nope. Now.” He was smirking, but his eyes were calculating. Sylvain was far cleverer than his peers gave him credit for. She knew he was up to something, but he gave her little choice.

“Lead the way then.” She muttered.

“Oh no. We are doing this right.” He swiftly wiped her bloodied dagger on his pants before placing it back in its sheath on her hip. To her surprise he pulled a roll of gauze from one of his pockets.

He chuckled at her wide eyes as he wrapped her arm with practiced hands. “Being friends with Felix has taught me a few tricks along the years.”

Once he was satisfied with his work, he took her arm in his and led her toward the small market area. There were a few food stalls open despite the time of night. The lady behind the counter blushed as Sylvain flirted and ordered their food.

He handed her something wrapped in paper, it was like flat bread but much thinner and flakier. Taking a hesitant bite, she discovered it was filled with melted chocolate.

“So technically this a dessert so I guess you will have to owe me that dinner another night.” He grinned at her taking a bite of his own.

They walked for some time before they found themselves back at the dorms. He led her inside his room and offered her a chair as he sat at the edge of his bed.

“So. Let’s talk about what happened earlier.”

“What do you want to know?”

Sylvain’s demeanor had changed since entering the room. The cheerful expression he’d had during their walk was replaced by one that was far more somber.

He unbuttoned his jacket, tossing it aside and rolled up his sleeves. Along his arms were scars similar to the ones she had on her own. To an untrained eye they could be passed off as battle scars. But this was a different battle.

“As a kid my brother was horrible to me. He hated me. And he reminded me of that fact every day of my life. He made my childhood a living hell.” Sylvain’s voice was soft. “The first time… it was actually him that held the blade. He thought it would be amusing if my Crest would vanish if I bled too much. Then the next time… it was because I wanted my Crest to go away.”

He gave her a rueful smile. “But of course, it doesn’t work like that.”

Gesturing to her injured arm. “So, what are your scars?”

Gently she traced her own lines. “Since I was child… people have told me that I look dead. That I have the face of corpse. That I’m an unfeeling cold body… this… this is me proving to myself that I am not dead.”

He stared at her for a moment with his gold-brown eyes. Getting to his feet he took her hand and helped her stand too.

“Listen, maybe it’s not my place… but the way I see it. Neither one of us are going to gain anything this way.”

She shook her head.

He was right.

“So, I have a proposition for you.”

She looked at him expectantly.

“Instead of taking this out on ourselves, let’s take it out on each other.”

She tilted her head slightly. What?

“What I mean is, instead of hiding away and covering our arms, we could meet and go get dinner. Or breakfast, or any meal you want. Even if it’s a midnight snack. I am tired of trying to fight this on my own, and I bet you are too.”

She nodded.

“Then… next time?”

“I will come find you, and you can come find me.”

He pulled her into a tight hug. “Just what I wanted to hear.”

“Sylvain?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

He chuckled, but she heard the relief in his tone. “Sure. And thank you too.”


	8. Jeralt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say that power outages happening in California are the reason this is getting a late update. But the fact is that I am a Pro Procrastinator. This chapter has been sitting on my computer for almost two weeks now. So please enjoy! :)

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

“Byleth!”

Before her was none other than her own father. Jeralt.

“What the hell are you doing kid?!”

His tone was not the usual gruff sound she was accustomed to. It sounded… scared? His eyes were searching hers for a clue as to what would cause her to do something like this.

Instead of replying she turned her head away to focus on a random patch of stonework.

“No. Not this time.” He gripped her shoulder with a strong hand. “You need to talk to me this time.”

“Jeralt… I… its nothing. My hand just slipped.”

“I have raised you to use a dagger since you were three years old. You don’t make mistakes like that. Not since you were seven. Now let’s try the truth.”

Nearby she could hear the excitement of her students celebrating boisterously. Finally, she looked up into his worried eyes. “Can we go somewhere else?”

“Of course.”

He led them to his office and shut the door, locking it firmly.

She leaned heavily against his wooden desk as she reached into one of the drawers to pull out first aid supplies to wrap her arm with. He watched patiently. Taking care of wounds was also something he had taught her to do at a young age. She expertly tied it off with one hand before putting the things away and looking back at him.

“Byleth. What was that?”

“The blood… when I see it flowing… the movement… its proof that my body is alive. Sometimes, I need that reassurance.” She wrapped her arms around herself tightly thinking of all the jeers and insults that had led her to this.

Jeralt grabbed her suddenly and crushed her in a bear hug.

“This is about the names they used to call you, right?”

“They still do.” She muttered into his shirt, the smell of oil from weapon cleaning soothing to her senses. “The students… they don’t mean it with malice. It’s just an observation. Which… somehow makes it worse.”

“You are very much alive Byleth. You are my kid. A fierce warrior unlike any I’ve ever seen. This… is part of what makes you, you. I know it’s not amazing. When you were younger, I wondered if it was something I did. If there was _something_, I could have done differently to help you. But let me tell you something,” He pulled her away from him so he could look her in the eyes.

“It doesn’t matter. I love you. I am your father and you are my daughter. What other people say doesn’t matter, because they don’t define you. Only you can do that. I know sometimes it can be hard to ignore what people say. But I know you’re stronger than that. And… if you can’t be strong on your own, I’m always here to help you.”

She was silent for a moment, seriously contemplating his words. “You’ve never thought I was weird?”

“Honestly?” He looked away for a moment and scratched the back of his neck in a nervous habit she wasn’t used to seeing from him. “I always thought I had the best kid. And I’m not just saying that as a doting father or anything. At first, I was worried when you never cried or laughed. But when I realized that’s who you are, I thought it was great. You weren’t a selfish whining child like so many others. You were always strong and intelligent. Always doing your best at anything set before you. What more could a parent ask for from their kid?”

It felt awkward for her, _but it shouldn’t_, so she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him in another hug.

“Thanks… Dad.”

He finally cracked a small grin. “Of course, kid. Anything for you.”


	9. Mercedes

Suddenly the dagger was ripped from her hand. Turning toward the newcomer she widened her eyes in surprise. Usually nobody could sneak up on her.

“Excuse me Professor.” Mercedes soft voice spoke up.

The blonde young woman stood there with the knife held away from Byleth, her gentle blue eyes had something like sorrow in them.

“I can’t let you continue that. As a healer it goes against what I work so hard to protect.”

Byleth nodded her consent to the action and held her hand out for the blade, but instead of handing it over Mercedes quickly set the weapon on the nearby bench and reached for her injured arm. Magic glowed from her palms as she healed the cut till there was no sign of injury. From her pocket she pulled out some gauze and wiped away the blood. In no time at all it appeared as if nothing had happened.

“Thank you, Mercedes.” Byleth would never take the powers of healing for granted. It was not a skill that mercenaries usually had so it still amazed her every time.

“Of course.” The student agreed amicably, but her expression was still troubled. “Professor, may I speak with you?”

In her time as a Professor, Byleth had learned that it was impossible to say no to Mercedes. She would accept it if the request was denied, but the guilt that would follow wasn’t worth it. The blonde woman always had the best of intentions in mind. Turning her away was turning away kindness.

Another thing that Byleth refused to take for granted.

“What would you like to discuss?”

“If you don’t mind, I would rather have this conversation in my room. A little more privacy would be nice.”

After reclaiming the dagger, they made the short walk to her room. Once the doors were shut and they were both sitting on the edge of the bed companionably Mercedes finally began to speak again.

“I understand pain Professor. Not in the physical sense so much as emotional, but I can empathize with you. My brother and I… we had a rough childhood living how we did. I think it was harder on Emile than I, but not only living through it, but watching him live through the same troubles. It was hard. Emile… he had his ways with dealing with his troubles. Sometimes they were similar as to what I just witnessed from you.”

As she spoke Byleth noticed the tears welling in her eyes, but her tone remained the same soothing sound as ever.

“I didn’t stop him. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t promise him things would get better, only to believe in the Goddess. Sometimes… for him that wasn’t enough. Faith is hard to begin with, maintaining that faith is even harder still. I choose to believe that someday all will be easier. Someday we will have no use for weapons and healing magic. But I know that a future like that is a long way off and won’t be obtained without some pain. It’s hard when you have already experienced hardship, to imagine that so much more could still happen. And when the feeling doesn’t go away, you think that maybe this is all there is. This pain. The outlook appears bleak and maybe… maybe it seems like it’s not worth it.”

Mercedes gently grasped both of Byleth’s hands in her own and looked her in the eyes, determination glowing strong there. “But it is. Byleth, it is worth it. I know our whole lives seem to be one battle after another. From one injury to the next. With so little time to recover in between. But I hope you can trust me like I have trusted you. When we are on the battlefield, I put one hundred percent faith in your abilities to guide us through it. I want you to have faith in me as well. Whenever you are hurting like this, come to me. And we can have a cup of tea and talk. Or we can simply just lean on each other. It can be whenever you need. Or if… if you feel the need to do this again…” Her blue eyes lingered on the dagger that was back on her hip. “If that has to happen again… I would like you to come to me first. But if you can’t do that, then come to me right after, and I will do the same as tonight. I will heal it for you, and have a hand waiting to hold on to yours.”

Byleth wanted to tell her no. Wanted to assure her that she has taken care of herself for this long and would continue to do so. But… her words really hit her. She didn’t have to be alone in this. Lots of people were struggling with pain, and while the reasons may be different, the hurt is the same. So why couldn’t she come to this young woman who had done nothing but be understanding and show her kindness?

“Mercedes… thank you.” Byleth’s voice was a bit softer than normal. “I would love to lean on you, but that goes both ways. When you need it, I have a hand for you to hold onto as well.”

The smile was all the assurance she needed to know she said the right thing. And while the pain she felt from before was still lingering, it had eased up significantly. At least for now. And when it tried to pull her down again, she would try to be strong enough to not let it when, but she knew she could trust this hand to heal her if it did.


End file.
